Rockway Mennonite Collegiate decided that not only did it need to focus on sexuality for its students in grades 7 to 12, but it needed to invite the community, including Canadian Mennonite, to hear what was being presented and to have an opportunity to respond.
Keith Graber Miller, a professor of religion and sexuality at Goshen (Ind.) College, began his Oct. 1 public presentation by giving a synopsis of what he had said in two earlier school chapels, including “faithful, inclusive and shameless sexuality,” gender, sexuality, sexual practice and today’s sexualized society. He bemoaned the early and depersonalized start to sexual practice in today’s society with the easy availability of dehumanizing pornography and the ubiquity of relationless sexual practice.
Throughout, he practised a relaxed and open attitude towards any question that the gathered parents, pastors and students raised, leavening the evening with self-deprecating humour. Expressing an “inclusive sexuality” towards lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender/queer individuals, he spoke of the need for both ethics and inclusion. Using an encyclopedic knowledge of current trends and statistics, he answered each question with sincerity and clarity. For him, the key to “faithful sexuality” is open communication between parents, church and people of all ages, from toddlers through adulthood. Most teens tell surveys that they get most of their knowl-edge about sex from peers and the media, ranking parents and church 9th and 10th out of 10, respectively.
He reminded the crowd that “sexuality is, of course, far more than what we do with our genitalia. It’s about our full-body selves, about embracing or critiquing gendered expectations, about living in and with our bodies, about love and connection and attachment and friendship. It’s about men and women respecting the other sex as well as their own sex.”
Parents wondered what the children at Rockway had been asking and, while Graber Miller did not “out” any individual, he noted that questions were asked about when to begin dating, what expressions of sexuality were appropriate, and a sense from students about being different from those in the public school system in regard to the practice of genital sex. He noted also that many youth do not see oral/genital sexual practice as “sex,” reserving that for genital/genital sexual experiences.
His advice to parents is to begin talking about sex with toddlers and teaching that masturbation is good, but not public.
Car rides are his preferred place and time for talks about sex; not just “the talk,” but many talks. His description of going in the same direction, eyes forward, a healthy space between the two in the conversation, and a captive audience, raised an appreciative laugh from the gathered group.
See also:
Unwrapping Sexuality
AMBS faculty provide resources for conversations on sexuality
Keith Graber Miller, a professor of religion and sexuality at Goshen (Ind.) College, speaks to the public on ‘Faithful sexuality’ at Rockway Mennonite Collegiate, Kitchener, Ont., on Oct. 1. (Photo by Dave Rogalsky)
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